watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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