dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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