Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
