If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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