I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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