What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
