just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she looked like the before picture.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Sober January is a disaster.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
