I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
