His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
