my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Welp...herpes.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
