The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
