Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you guys were way drunker than both of me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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