I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize