I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
