she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize