so that wasnt chicken after all
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
