Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i love accidental penises.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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