There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
