There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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