Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
