I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You smell like stripper and shame
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
did i just pee glitter
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
