i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
