Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
