I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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