So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
