Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
