she looked like the bat from fern gully.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
