The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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