i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
