Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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