I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
