i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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