if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
