She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
