NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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