Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
