I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
