My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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