Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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