I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
