omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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