Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
