Sacagawea was the original milf.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
