take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
