you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
