Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize