yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
