operation harelip BJ is a go
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
