ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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