I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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