Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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