I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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