guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Are we still banned from the library?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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