Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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