and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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