onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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