What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
