quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize