Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize