I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
