We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I party with great urgency now.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
