you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
