her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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