Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
