So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If I die, sorry about rent.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
