i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
