My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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