he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
